My Rulebook

Today, I’m going to write about something other than what inspires me. I’m going to write about my Rulebook. My Bible. The rules I’ve written about the way I choose to see the world. And the rules I live by. I don’t know how I came by them. I think it’s just years of observation, retrospection and introspection.

Following these rules have made me a stronger, happier and better person. It has helped me get to know a wider variety of people. It has helped me make many, many friends. And that has helped me truly open up my mind to a wider variety of experiences.

It’s very simple, common knowledge actually. I still fall off the wagon often. But recalling and applying my rules usually helps me find my happy place.

1. To each, his own.

This is my most important rule. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. I don’t have to agree with your opinion, your tastes, your ideas, or your decisions. If I think it’s relevant, I’ll make my thoughts known to you. But at the end of the day, I respect that you are your own person, and you are allowed to be different from me.

2. Don’t judge someone based on the flaws they have.

This is almost just as important. EVERYONE has flaws. Nobody is perfect. Judging people based on their flaws is just cruel. If I don’t like something that you do, I will deal with it. I’ll find a way to make peace. If it is really important to me, and you’ve hurt me, I’ll make it known to you. But I understand that your flaws are just a small part of what makes you who you are.  

3. Don’t judge someone based on the mistakes they’ve made.

Ditto. Everyone makes mistakes. And everyone feels bad about them. And everyone learns from them. I would hate to be judged for all the many mistakes that I’ve made. (And I know I’ve made so many!) I understand that making mistakes is how you learn to live. It’s how we all learn to live. I will not judge you for learning how to live. I will not judge you based on your mistakes.

4. The reasonable person principle.

This one has always been in my rulebook, but I didn’t have this name for it until it was announced to all of us MHCIers at orientation.

At all times, I expect that you’re being reasonable. That you have a reason for behaving the way that you do. I may not always understand it, but that’s okay.

5. Forgive, forgive, forgive. For myself.

This one has helped bring me all kinds of peace. Holding on to grudges does nothing for me and nothing for you. If you have upset me, at the end of the day, it’s me who is upset. If it matters to me that much, I will talk to you about it. But if not, I will apply the reasonable person principle, acknowledge that I don’t understand your reasons, but you must have good ones, and I will forgive you.

6. Look for virtue in people.

This one can be hard. Especially when dealing with people whose opinions are wildly different from my own, and when their actions and words are constantly hurtful to me. But I think the better I get at this, the happier I am as a person.

I know that you are a good person. I will look for the goodness in you. I don’t want to remember you as a person who hurt me.

7. Treat people how I want to be treated

I want you to be nice to me. So I’ll be nice to you. Simple, no?

8. Do things that make me happy.

As far as possible, I do things that make me happy. If I’m upset, I surround myself with people and things that make me happy. If I have to do a task that I don’t like, I make sure I reward myself by scheduling something that I like for later.
This also means I don’t watch television shows and movies or read books that upset me. This could be to my disadvantage sometimes, but at the end of the day, I’m a happier person.

9. Look for the small joys.

Look, look, look. There are little joys hidden everywhere. In every person and in every object, in every day, and in every moment. For me, it could be something as simple as a beautifully formed tree, or the color of the sky. Or watching a sweet old lady hop over a puddle on the sidewalk like a little child. The world is filled with little joys. I wish I could find every one.
This rule has helped me cheer myself up on the crappiest of days.

10. Be the sword of Gryffindor.

This is one of my strongest coping strategies.
The sword of Gryffindor has the property to only absorb things that make it stronger.
All experiences, even the most difficult ones, and the most random ones have something good to offer, that will make me a stronger person. It could just be the lesson learnt, a skill acquired, or maybe just a handful of wonderful memories. It’s just a matter of figuring out what this is, and absorbing it.

11. Don’t leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I think this rule is the only reason I can look back and say that I love my high school. I was one of those kids who didn’t have the best time in school. I couldn’t wait to graduate. When I was done with high school, I had the option of either going to a different institute for pre-university, or staying on in the same school. I remember deciding to stay on, simply because I didn’t want to look back years later and have nothing good to say about my school life. So I went back, and gave it my best shot at starting over. And it worked pretty well.

12. I choose how I respond.

Well, I know I am human, and I feel the full range of emotions that all of us humans do. I also know that I can’t choose the outcomes of several situations in life. But what I can choose is how these things affect me in the long run, and how I respond to them. If I’m sad, I try to cheer myself up. If I’m angry, I try to calm myself down. Friends, family and all of my favourite things can only try their best to cheer me up. At the end of the day, it’s my decision whether or not I choose to be cheered up. Understanding this has been difficult, but it has been very useful to me.

Wow. I guess this is a pretty long list of rules. This is the first time I’m actually writing them down! I’m sure making this list will be useful to me for more difficult times when I can’t remember them all.
I must add that this is a living list. I keep adding to it, and modifying it as I learn more about the world and about myself. But that’s part of the fun of it all :)